What To Do On a Cruise When You’re Stuck Out at Sea

Ahoy there my potential seafaring vagabonds,

Are you unsure of what to do on a cruise while you’re out at sea? Been hesitant to book a cruise holiday because you feel that you might get bored and have no way off the ship? Feel that you might get cabin fever and consider jumping to a watery grave just to stave off the monotony of being stuck on board a floating hotel?

Fear not, you are not the only one who needs to be occupied and cruise ships are set up to make sure your holiday experience exceeds your expectations. Bear in mind that the not every day is a sea day, and your days on board will be broken up with plenty of swimming on tropical islands, exploring European landscapes or adventuring in the Alaskan wilderness depending on your destination.  As a general rule on a cruise less than two weeks, you should not have more than three sea days in a row as you get to and from your ports of call.

What to Do on a Cruise When You are Out at Sea

To help you get your head around what to do on a cruise holiday while out at sea, here are three cruise day scenarios to match your perfect day off at home.


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Five Reasons Your Cruise Line Needs to Immediately Replace the Casino with a Bunnings

Dear Cruise Company

I write on behalf of my father and all the other patient, purse-holding, door-opening, shopping-carrying men of the world. The men whose wives you market to, who like their couch and their remote control but somehow inexplicably find themselves on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean. (And by inexplicably, I mean their family begged and cajoled and hid the remote in desperation. Their poor browbeaten shoulders slumping in defeat as they give in and agree to a family cruise just for a moment’s peace.)

These are the men whose daily lives revolve around dust and sheep and fixing that-gorram-heap-o-junk that keeps breaking down. The ones who have no interest in climbing to the top of a fake rock wall unless there is a sandwich at the top (and even then there had better be bacon in it); who attend shopping trips, wine tasting and dance lessons under duress; and would consider jumping to a watery grave before attending napkin folding lessons. The men who have been raised in a generation where idle time is wasted time.

It is for these men (and indirectly for the happiness of their wives and children) that I am petitioning you to remove the casinos on your ships and install a Bunnings instead.

Now I know that casinos make money, but hear me out. I’ve put thought into this and the potential for this idea is big. By my calculations it could net your cruise line anywhere between $7.43 and $3,400,000 per year. They’re rough figures you understand, we can get your accountants to flesh out the finer points when we meet to discuss my cut of the profits.

Five Reasons Why Your Cruise Line Needs to Immediately Replace the Casino with a Bunnings

    • Provides a creative outlet.

Each day they will be able to attend woodworking and home repair workshops in store. At the completion of this class, the participants will get to exercise their creative genius in justifying to their wives the exact reason why they needed to buy a circular saw whilst in the middle of the ocean.


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Thirteen Free Things to Do on Any Cruise Holiday

Welcome to Tightarse Tuesday, on a Thursday (or whatever day you’re reading this on) my Lovelies,

Cruising is not only fun and relaxing, but a very affordable way to see the world. What makes it affordable is the plethora of free activities available to you at every turn.

No one wants to be constantly shelling out to stay entertained either out at sea or on shore days.  With a little forethought and planning, you can enjoy your holiday at no extra cost after paying your cruise fare.  At sea and on land, you will never be stuck for something to do that won’t have you swiping your card.

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